“Let’s keep In touch.” (everyday lie) Mar09


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“Let’s keep In touch.” (everyday lie)

Steph image Keep in touch - Kev

“Yeah, we should definitely meet again”
(If by ‘again’ you mean ‘never’)


Why lie? Is it because we’re all the sharkiest bunch of truth-dodging weasel snakes? Or because bullshitting like you’re on Fox News is sometimes for the best?

The stories you’re about to read are all fake.* So are the people.** I’ve definitely not interviewed a load of my close mates and co-workers so that I could quote them word for word in this article.***

I’ve given each lie you’ll read a neat little label. So if you did (and I’m not saying you do) want to try your hand at some truth-dodging one day, you’ll have all the classic moves right there ready to go.

First, there’s the ‘I’m saving myself in a slightly cowardly yet socially acceptable way’:

“She said, ‘Shall we see each other again?’ And I said, ‘yeah!’ Meaning ‘no!’ There was a karaoke thing the next Friday, and I said ‘yeah, I’ll see you in there’ and then I gave it a wide berth – just to avoid an awkward situation.”

Next, you’ve got the ‘Oh God, don’t let them see my cold, naked shame’:

“He lives in Cardiff. I told him that I was going home to see my family one weekend so that I could go round to his house and have some sexy time. I literally got the Mega Bus from London Victoria to go to his house, had sex with him and came back again. I was like, ‘no, I’m just in Cardiff. Yeah, I just happened to be here.’ Because I didn’t want him to think that I’m the kind of girl who’ll pay seven pounds to get a Mega Bus to Cardiff just to have sex. Oh man, I’m a bit ashamed… There’s like four million men in this city and I have to spend seven quid to go to Cardiff to sleep with one.” 

Then there’s the ‘Let’s go at it like we’re from rival teams on University Challenge. I WILL TAKE YOU DOWN’:

“I used to lie to Red-Trousers Rob and be like, ‘shall we meet up on Saturday?’ when I knew I was going away. Because Red-Trousers Rob felt like a challenge and I tried to win. I just wanted to make sure that he was keen and that I had the power. It was a competition.”

Or the ‘Unicorns are real, Elvis is alive and I’m off to Hogwarts next September’:

“You lie to yourself sometimes. You convince yourself that something might work when you know it won’t. So you build a picture in your head that’s a long, long way from reality. It was so amazing I just wanted it to work. I remember I was sat on a radiator and she came and sat next to me so that I could feel her leg on my leg. And I thought, ‘Oh my God, the most attractive girl in the school is this close to me. Why is she sitting this close to me?’”

And don’t forget the ‘It’s actually a bit serious’:

“If she found out the truth, it would kill her.”

So people lie for a whole bunch of reasons: to save themselves; to protect others; to further their cause. It doesn’t always mean you’re a total shit-bag (although sometimes you are). It’s part of what makes you human. It’s an evolutionary instinct. Because when evolution says jump, we jump. Right?

*A lie.
**Still a lie.
***Yep, you guessed it…

Writer: Steph Smith
Artist: Kev Smith