Oh, why aren’t I famed for my fabulous sweets,
like Wonka is known for his outlandish treats?
I know there’s a market for mud-covered chews,
or sour, hairy lollipops handmade from gnu.
And don’t forget green, skunky, trout-flavoured creams,
with snot-covered gum that, when bit, squirts a stream!
They’re brilliant, inventive and tasty, I swear,
but nobody listens while Wonka is there.
So I’m giving up sweets, going all fancy-pants,
to make Slugworth’s Fun Biscuits from roadkill and ants!
These brand new concoctions of protein-rich bugs,
will show them I’m not just some slurraping slug!
Read the feature story ‘Slugworth‘